


never felt so bright (with you by my side)

by lifewasradical



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Anger, Anxiety, Bad Days, Kinda?, Luke is Annoyed and Ashton is too good, M/M, facetime call, there really is nothing here other than projecting onto Luke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-25 09:20:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30086898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lifewasradical/pseuds/lifewasradical
Summary: From the second that Luke opens his eyes, he knows this is going to be a bad day. It settles in his brain as soon as he begins to face the day. He tries to blink it away, urging the bad day thoughts to go back to the corner where they’re typically sitting in time out, far away from all of Luke’s Good Thoughts.Or, Luke has a bad day.
Relationships: Luke Hemmings/Ashton Irwin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 21





	never felt so bright (with you by my side)

**Author's Note:**

> hi hello, today has been a Bad Day and you know what we do with bad days? we project onto Luke! that's all, I have literally nothing more to say about this one. 
> 
> title from outer space/carry on because I looped that, high, and ghost of you while writing. it's one of those days.

From the second that Luke opens his eyes, he knows this is going to be a bad day. It settles in his brain as soon as he begins to face the day. He tries to blink it away, urging the bad day thoughts to go back to the corner where they’re typically sitting in time out, far away from all of Luke’s Good Thoughts. 

It doesn’t work, because when Luke tries to push the bad thoughts away, they come back stronger than ever. They elbow their way through the good thoughts and shove them against walls, breaking down their resolve until nothing exists other than the bad thoughts. It’s frustrating, but what more can Luke do? 

It isn’t even like something huge happened to start the day off badly. He woke up with Petunia pressed against his side and cuddled up under his arm. It’s the best way to start a day and normally sets him off on a good foot for the rest of the day, but this time, Petunia was too warm and her nails scratched his legs and Luke had to resist the urge to scold her. It wasn’t her fault, it never was. But that just started the annoyance around the day. 

Luke’s coffee was too hot and burned his mouth, the water in the shower wouldn’t warm up properly so he shivered through the whole shower, and if _one more fucking person asked him to do something for work, he was going to scream_. 

As he stands in front of the mirror in the bathroom after brushing his teeth, Luke picks apart his appearance, criticising the way his eyes droop like they’re being weighed down, the way his hair is greasy and flopping to the side. He’s got some stress acne peppering his cheeks again and he resists the urge to pick at the skin, knowing the inflamed patches will just make him more frustrated. He finally steps away from the glass in favor of sitting down at his desk to get to work. 

His whole work day is spent the same way, hands clenched tightly in fists through meetings and calls and mindless work. Each person who talks sounds like nails down a chalkboard, grating his every last nerve. Luke’s shoulders are tense and his jaw set through all of it, counting down the minutes until he gets to the point where he can log off and be done for the day.

And the biggest part is that Luke knows he has nothing to be upset about. All of these little inconveniences are so petty compared to the struggles that other people are going through, but he can’t stop his brain from screaming that this is the end of the world and everyone is out to get him. The circle continues over and over with something negative happening, wallowing in frustration, followed by the overwhelming anger that takes over his whole body. 

The second that Luke is allowed to clock out, he all but slams his laptop closed and throws it across the couch, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes. He holds them there until stars shine in his vision, glittering behind his eyelids. It’s a momentary point of relief, but it only lasts until Luke removes his hands and is reminded that he’s still at home, still alone, and still as annoyed as he was when he woke up that morning. 

The headache is beginning to set in behind Luke’s eyes, thumping uselessly in his brain. It amplifies the angry screams, helping them to find footing in the neverending sea of thoughts. Luke knows that he’s one more drop in the ocean away from all the thoughts spilling over and flooding his whole house with anger and annoyance and frustration. 

Luke debates getting into bed and cutting his losses on the day, but of course, _of fucking course,_ Ashton chooses that one moment to facetime Luke. He stares at his own face in the reflection of his phone, debating if he should answer the call or not. Ashton doesn’t deserve Luke’s frustration, especially when he wasn’t the one who caused any of his struggles. It’s not fair to misdirect his anger towards Ashton, not when he shows Luke nothing but acceptance and love. But at the same time, would it be better to get some of the thoughts off of his chest? Maybe speaking them out into existence will lessen the burden on Luke’s shoulders. 

Luke hesitates too long, seeing the screen turn black in front of him. He’s forced to see his lock screen, a photo of him and Ashton and Petunia all cuddled up on the couch, smiling softly at the camera. Luke doesn’t know the last time that he took a moment to just look at the memory, instead opting to fly past his screen and onto whatever apps he was intending on seeing. It fills him with a sense of longing for better times that have somehow escaped him, cynicism clouding over all of his being. 

A second call comes in, reminding Luke how damn persistent that Ashton can be when he really wants something. Additionally, it sends a wave of fear through Luke, that maybe something is wrong with Ashton and that’s why he’s calling right now. It’s that very thought that has him swiping to accept the call, tensely staring down at the screen. 

Ashton’s face pops into view with a jovial smile on his face, rocking back and forth like he’s dancing to music that Luke can’t hear. Something about seeing him so happy when Luke is so distressed has anger flaring in Luke again, fire burning bright in his mind. The thoughts there all go up in smoke, suffocating the last of the good thoughts that had been trying to make their way to the forefront. 

“Hi babe,” Ashton sings, though his face quickly falls when he takes in Luke’s expression. “Hey, what’s wrong?” 

Luke inhales sharply and blows it out through his mouth, trying to keep his undeserving anger in check. “Bad day.” 

Ashton softens even more, as if that was possible. Luke hates that when he’s all sharp edges and fury and coils wound up so tight that he’s about to snap, Ashton is soft lines, warm love, and understanding. At least if he was angry too, Luke could justify the urge to lash out at him. 

“I’m sorry, how can I help?” 

Luke shakes his still clenched fist, noticing then that he’s digging little crescent moons into the palm of his hand with the force of his frustration that isn’t holding his phone. He releases his fingers. “You can’t help. It’s been like this all day and it’s not going to get any better.” 

“I see,” Ashton offers unhelpfully, nodding at Luke through the screen. 

When he says nothing else, Luke can feel the anger bubbling up again, smoke all but pouring out of his ears. “Don’t fucking do that,” he sneers, narrowing his eyes at Ashton. 

“Do what?” Ashton counters calmly. Luke fumes, there isn’t a possible way that Ashton doesn’t know he’s poking an angry bees nest, antagonizing the swarm inside. Ashton _has_ to know that he’s one jab away from getting stung a billion times. 

“ _That_. Act like you’re all knowing and wise and better than my anger.” 

Ashton hums, “Is that really how you feel?” He doesn’t look smug or mocking or hurt in the way that Luke assumed that he would, just genuine curiosity in his kind eyes. It makes Luke unreasonably more mad. 

“Stop being so understanding,” Luke bites back, nostrils flaring. 

“I’m not going to do that, but why don’t you tell me what’s actually on your mind?” 

“God, you’re so infuriating,” Luke huffs, rolling his eyes and avoiding Ashton’s question. 

“Luke babe, I promise you I’m not trying to piss you off more. But it might help if you can let some of those thoughts out of your head.” 

“It’s fucking stupid!” Luke erupts, and once he’s started, there’s no stopping. “I have literally no right to be as annoyed as I am right now. Everything is just stupid and I’m so overwhelmed and stressed out and one more thing is going to make me crumble. I’m not a fucking robot and I can’t just keep pretending that everything is okay all the time until I die. But that’s what everyone expects from me! Everyone thinks that I can handle the weight so they keep piling more and more things onto my plate and no one fucking _cares_. And then what? I’m gonna end up failing at work because I have too many things to do with not enough time, I suck as a son because I keep ignoring my mom’s texts and calls because even talking to her is too much, and now I’m unloading this onto you? That’s not fucking fair either, you don’t deserve to carry my weight just because I can’t carry it on my own. It’s not fucking fair and now I’m gonna feel guilty for even telling you about this because you just don’t deserve my anger.”

Luke heaves in a breath at the end of his rant, feeling just minimally lighter with some of the words out of his mind. There’s more room for the thoughts to bounce around now, no longer resembling a swarm of angry bees. The thoughts still fly, but at a much less concerning velocity. 

“Good, go on,” Ashton prompts, nodding at Luke through the screen with an intentionally blank look on his face. Luke shuts his eyes to avoid thinking more about that look. 

“The day started off dumb. Petunia scratched me and I felt bad yelling at her. Every time she came close to me, I was immediately on edge, which sucks because I know she was trying to comfort me. And so many other little things just kept piling up. Work was frustrating. I can’t get myself to do anything anymore because I feel so damn burnt out and exhausted. But I can’t just stop doing my job because that’s also not fair. I dread getting up and going to work, I dread getting up in general. I don’t deserve to feel that way because my life objectively isn’t hard. I have a job, I have the house, I have Petunia, I have you. I have so much to be happy about and things still just aren’t worth it. And now I’m complaining to you like you need to hear about this. The guilt is going to eat me alive because I can’t just be happy for one damn day without something weighing me down. I just want to feel okay for a moment.” 

Ashton lets them sit in silence for a minute, both just breathing quietly into the receiver. Luke doesn’t feel the need to spill more out of his brain, realizing now that there’s a soft humming in the place that the bees have been. The smoke has cleared and the water has receded. 

After that pause, Ashton speaks again, “How do you feel now?” 

“Empty.” 

“Well that’s not good either,” Ashton laughs lightly, but it doesn’t feel taunting. It feels accepting, understanding, careful. 

“No, but I think that’s what I need right now after thinking too much all day,” Luke confirms, smiling sadly through the phone. 

“Fair. Now I’m not going to try to fix your issues, we both know that’s not what you want right now and that probably would make you more annoyed again.” Ashton waits for Luke to nod before continuing. “But you’re valid in your feelings. And don’t try to fight me on that, because you are. Not in the one that has you feeling guilty for talking to me, because you’re my boyfriend and this is really what I’m here for. Life is tough and you have bad days. But it’s not the end of the world, right? We’ll get through this together?” 

Luke feels the last of the weight remove itself from his shoulders. As much as he doesn’t want to listen to Ashton’s words, they tattoo themselves onto Luke’s skin, permanently etching themselves onto him. This _isn’t_ the end of the world. There _are_ always going to be bad days but one bad day doesn’t ruin the week. They _can_ get through this, together. 

“You’re right,” Luke sighs, deflating against the couch cushions, “Why are you always right?” 

Ashton laughs, full bodied and scratchy through the speakers. It makes a smile creep up on Luke’s face involuntarily. “I don’t think I’m always right, but I’m glad to hear it. Keep that tucked away for next time we get into an argument, yeah?” 

Luke shakes his head softly, grinning fondly at Ashton through the phone, “Come over, please?” 

“I’m on my way.”

Ashton won’t erase the bad day from existence, but he always seems to help Luke wade his way out of the murky water when things get a little too much. He’s the sunshine in Luke’s darkest nights, the reminder that there is a reason to get out of bed in the morning. He’s a better person with Ashton around to redirect his thoughts when he can’t seem to do so on his own. Luke knows there are more bad days on the horizon, always another storm set to come, but he’s lucky to have someone on his side who can help him navigate the struggles.

**Author's Note:**

> Talk to me on Tumblr [lifewasradical](https://lifewasradical.tumblr.com) 💜


End file.
